And still another day before me…it’s mine to do with whatever I choose. I had a terrifying experience yesterday so today seems all the more glorious. I am a bit of a hypochondriac – I’ll admit to this – especially when it comes to my kids – but I had noticed a suspicious mole on my back recently (I am the generation of baby oil and iodine tanning) and it had started to itch. Well, of course I “goggled” it and wouldn’t you know –an itchy mole can be a symptom of melanoma. Anyway, I had about buried myself by noon. My doctor worked me in at 2 and said not to worry (although I do now have recommendation to see a dermatologist for a checkup). Those few hours were so dark for me. I have no fear of death, at least I don’t think I do,( I am certain there is something wonderful on the otherside) but I have unbearable sadness when I think of leaving Elizabeth before she is grown, before she has her own life. I thought of my boys and how badly I want to know where their lives are taking them– they, the 5 of them, are what make my mortality so objectionable.
I know I am being overdramatic but that’s the nature of me – oversensitive and a bit too imaginative at times. So, I am here on this bright sunshiny day once again and I am even more aware of my life and pledge to take even better care of my health. My doctor recommended I read “the Paleo Diet” – I have it on order – a diet based on pre agricultural eating habits – hunting and gathering sort of stuff. I know I cannot be orthodox about it, but I will absorb and implement some of it.
Speaking of food, I have done a few things I wished I’d done differently with my children, as all mothers have, but I have done three things I am really happy about – they all have an awareness and appreciation of the arts, whole foods, and spirit. For me, that is so important – three essentials in life – art, food, and goodness. I am very thankful – the rest is lagniappe.
As I reread for grammar check, I hope I am not sounding like I am bragging about my children and my life – I hope I have the ability to project happiness and thankfulness, not arrogance and vanity, within the confines of this entry – for those qualities are distasteful to me. My life is “my life” made especially for me and I am thankful and I know it is not some random scattering from the universe – it is all in alignment, just as it should be. I am so thankful to have yet another day to explore and to celebrate this gift that expires in 24 hours.