Here we go again – another day…yesterday was good – because I said so. It was a conscious effort to stray away from negative thoughts – dodge bullets – but I am thinking that if I continue to do this, it will become a habit, a reflex of sorts and I will end up on the other side and much better for it. My biggest obstacle is staying in the moment, I’ve found. I tend to imagine everyone’s future – I don’t know who gave me these credentials but I find myself managing the future – how silly is that! Anyway, that was the hard part for me – I have to keep to the path, stay in the here and now. I do well when I’m present – I feel that contentedness I spoke of yesterday. I find, also, that spirituality must run parallel to this navigation center – as I said, I am not capable of managing someone’s future – LOL – I need guidance. I find myself becoming more and more spiritual as I get older – not to be confused with religious – and therefore, feel more security that my life is directed; my job is to never lose sight of the beacon. Two of my biggest moments yesterday were – the twins coming home from a trip safe and happy with another layer of growth and experience and a possible opportunity for me to hang some of my art in a gallery!
Another summer day stretched out ahead of me – I still have all of my facilities and possibilities alongside of my spirituality and belief that life is not random.
I have to be more honest with my work. I have to go a little deeper. It is a total waste of time to be “unreal” and what is art if not about expressing human emotion and consequently causing response. Sometimes art only needs to delight – a simple and pleasant emotion drawn from a simple and aesthetic display of words or colors or shapes – I “paint” a lot of those kinds of “pictures” – “I’ll go make supper”, for instance. What if I’d have said, “I know someone who will go without supper tonight?” – that would stir different emotions – instead of taking you back and feeling warm somewhere in your misty privileged past, you might feel awkward here in your abundant extant. Or maybe not, maybe you feel a bit smug and think – “Well, they should have made better choices – like me”. Hmmmm, choices like having parents who were devoted to you or choices like having parents at all. We don’t all have the same frame of reference and that reference is our perspective of the world, it is how we all respond – from OUR frame of reference. I am not writing this to suggest enabling people or make flimsy excuses for those who blame everything on their past because I tire quickly of that lame attitude, but at the same time, I cannot deny that we all see the world through our unique experiences and an effort should be made to try to understand each other and not be so stricken with the middle class disease of pre judging – because guess what – you are probably wrong – so incredibly wrong. I have caught myself many times; I’m ashamed to say, in that situation. Things are not as they seem. It’s Sunday and this is my overt contribution to my spiritual self – it is doubtful that I will see the inside of a physical church today but I know I will try to see others as they truly are and not judge them from my frame of reference – and I will try to get out of myself and understand why someone is hungry tonight and appreciate and know why I am not.