I hang on to the small rituals of the day, I hang on because they are the things I can be certain of. I am happy to be in this somewhat bucolic space, this is the place I am used to, the place I know so well. I know that the mockingbirds live in the white oak near the garden shed and I watch helplessly as they raid my biggest fig tree each July morning; I am forced to share. I know that there is a green lizard that lives behind the wooden shutter of my kitchen window and he comes out into the sun while I am making coffee each morning in summer. I know that the tree frogs sing with the moon rising and that my honey bees are collecting at the opening of the hive, feverishly fanning to keep things bearable inside for the queen and her brood. I know that I picked the last magnolia and that this midsummer heat is for my zinnias and lantana, the gentle bloom of summer has passed and the heat is not kind.
I don’t know what will be on the news next; I have come to assume it will not be good, it will be another horror situation. I am ready to unplug. I say this not out of apathy, quite the contrary, I say this because I fear I will become deadened from the barrage. Before I can somewhat absorb one thing there is another. I know it is no one’s “fault”, it is just what has become. We move on so quickly; we move on without completing the process. Our fast food concept has seeped into the whole of our lives and I question that and it seems, I am fighting that. I want to absorb and understand and feel the events that are happening, I want to have the complete package so that I can better understand the world around me and make my own choices and believe what I have deducted not what someone on social media is pushing on me. I want time to use my mind and emotion to decide, to mourn, to fear, to be happy, to feel, and ultimately, to contribute.
Like everyone else, I just recognize the “problem” and can offer no “solution”. It is the world we have created, we “know” everything the instant it happens, news is pushed through our hand held devices and what we may have missed we will see on our computer screens the second we flip open the top. I know there is some good in all of this, I recognize this as progress but I also know that we do not have time to absorb and it is becoming more and more difficult to think our own thoughts – propaganda is excessive because there are so many ways now to penetrate.
As I reread this piece, I recognize there is no real “solution” – this is our world, our time. When I am overcome with blurbs of media I can come here and write in this progressive “journal”, I can lay out my state of mind and feel a bit better for sending it into this high tech world I speak of and perhaps that will be the balance – that is the “give” for this “take”.