Today is leap year, such a fun concept.it seems that the earth actually takes 365.242 days to make its journey around the sun and like everything in life, that little bit of time adds up to another complete day about every four years. This is that special day a girl can propose to a man, hmmm. Anyway, we get one more day this year so, I say, make it count.
I will begin my day by counting blessings and that always helps to get me positive, for as I have recently and frequently declared being positive is my destination. It’s early as I post and the day is freshly scrubbed and new. Life is still for a moment and this moment is where I need to adjust myself, prepare myself for another God given day. These early morning moments are divine – they are where life holds still for just a bit, all I hear are the birds outside and they too seem to sing more in the very early morning. Do they know something; is this the time we should reflect, this time before we are distracted by the day and before negative forces try very hard to corrupt our thoughts with the day’s dirt?
Perhaps we are like the sunrise – our days begin with its divine burst that is only positive energy and as it makes its way across the sky it becomes shadowed and obstructed until it finally rests from the weight of the day only to begin renewed again tomorrow. Nature gives us so many examples, so many lessons but for some reason, there are many that just ignore her and even worse, destroy her.
“Upon awakening, let the words Thank You flow from your lips, for this will remind you to begin your day with gratitude and compassion.” Dr. Wayne Dyer
There was a night this past week that caused me to feel a sense of pure joy – something happened, something was said, that seemingly came from “nowhere” to tell me a wish was coming true. I was talking to my son, Matthew, on the phone from Boulder. I was busy asking “20 questions”, how’s school, are you eating right, is it cold, etc. when he unexpectedly began describing the morning view from his apartment window. He told me about the sun rising over the Rockies and how it “motivated” him to begin his day and how wonderful it was to wake up that way each morning. In that moment I had such a rare feeling of arrival, that something had “taken”, something worked, someone was listening. For me, and I emphasize, “for me”, this type of reveal means more than anything – people measure worth in many ways, this type of perception and appreciation is how I measure and for Matthew to express this intrinsic feeling to me means I have been granted my wish. I carried that joy around all of the next day and will reflect back on it when I need to – it is there. It is proof that they are listening, they are watching and their fabric is from the bolt that is you. It is beautiful but it is also a responsibility, the greatest of all.
I suppose that is how the universe works; just keep doing what you feel is right and in God’s time, you will hear, “Mom, you should see the sun rising over the Rocky Mountains”.
And still another day before me…it’s mine to do with whatever I choose. I had a terrifying experience yesterday so today seems all the more glorious. I am a bit of a hypochondriac – I’ll admit to this – especially when it comes to my kids – but I had noticed a suspicious mole on my back recently (I am the generation of baby oil and iodine tanning) and it had started to itch. Well, of course I “goggled” it and wouldn’t you know –an itchy mole can be a symptom of melanoma. Anyway, I had about buried myself by noon. My doctor worked me in at 2 and said not to worry (although I do now have recommendation to see a dermatologist for a checkup). Those few hours were so dark for me. I have no fear of death, at least I don’t think I do,( I am certain there is something wonderful on the otherside) but I have unbearable sadness when I think of leaving Elizabeth before she is grown, before she has her own life. I thought of my boys and how badly I want to know where their lives are taking them– they, the 5 of them, are what make my mortality so objectionable.
I know I am being overdramatic but that’s the nature of me – oversensitive and a bit too imaginative at times. So, I am here on this bright sunshiny day once again and I am even more aware of my life and pledge to take even better care of my health. My doctor recommended I read “the Paleo Diet” – I have it on order – a diet based on pre agricultural eating habits – hunting and gathering sort of stuff. I know I cannot be orthodox about it, but I will absorb and implement some of it.
Speaking of food, I have done a few things I wished I’d done differently with my children, as all mothers have, but I have done three things I am really happy about – they all have an awareness and appreciation of the arts, whole foods, and spirit. For me, that is so important – three essentials in life – art, food, and goodness. I am very thankful – the rest is lagniappe.
As I reread for grammar check, I hope I am not sounding like I am bragging about my children and my life – I hope I have the ability to project happiness and thankfulness, not arrogance and vanity, within the confines of this entry – for those qualities are distasteful to me. My life is “my life” made especially for me and I am thankful and I know it is not some random scattering from the universe – it is all in alignment, just as it should be. I am so thankful to have yet another day to explore and to celebrate this gift that expires in 24 hours.