Category Archives: november

"How did that happen?"

Life is very different for me now. I wake up on a Saturday morning and I am not scrambling a dozen eggs and juicing OJ; I am making coffee and writing. They are gone, far away gone, from Colorado to the Cresent City. Elizabeth is still here, finishing up the last hoorah but on this Saturday morning she is in Lafayette taking SAT – something she needs to move her on. “On”, will be far away too, it seems. Next year, they really will be all gone. Hmmmm. It is a strange, but good, feeling, kind of mellow.
 The first thing I ask myself on this morning of semi isolation is “How did I do that?” I cannot conceive of waking up to five kids every morning and getting this house in motion. It seems my instinct of survival has blocked that from my memory – too much to absorb, too much to think about? Funny about life, we go through passages almost blindly, doing what we need to do without question and then later, look back and say just what I have said, “ How did I get through that?’ I am not making this declaration in a negative light, it was great, it was magical, it was fulfilling; I just don’t know how I managed to see about all of those people.I’m really not a multi tasker kind of person – I am very, very laid back. I do remember cooking – alot. I also remember the seemingly endless pile of clothes in the laundry room.Honestly, I thought I would live my entire life in that room – forever!  And I do remember the conscious decision to put away my paintbox for those years. I realized early on that that would cause me frustration – to begin a piece and have to go deep into the night to finish it – not worth it. Instead, I think those years and my children gave me inspiration and I think they will manifest themselves in my art – it was the right decision for me.

Anyway, it is early November and I have the day to do as I please – this is a very new deal for me. I am going to enjoy this little piece of freedom for sure but I will always miss my busy home when they all were here and my day was filled with the most important activity of all, being “mom”.

I think of a quote by Jackie Kennedy and hope that I somewhat hit the target, but more than that, I hope they all know I tried my best on that one chance I got ,  just as all of you are…

” If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”
just a favorite pic taken on the 100 year old carousel at City Park in New Orleans  – a month before Elizabeth lost her grandmother, my wonderful mom. She was there on the little bench watching Elizabeth go around and around, each time waving as though the first time – this was a very difficult passage for me as “mom”…still is

 

So, whatever your stage in life is, I hope you are trying your best – no one is perfect, but everyone can be the best “them” (most of the time :)).
b u
p s

November 3, 2010

it’s coming

These early days of November are so welcomed. I walk through the woods with intention and look forward to the vivid sunsets that close out the cooler days. I know the holidays are near and I am happy to finally be able to avoid the hype and commercialism and, instead, experience their intention. There is such peace in removing value from things. I think in terms of my mother’s childhood and stories she told of Christmases – images that could fit comfortably within the binds of a Louisa May Alcott book, images of home and family and I strive for similarity. I also have stored in the clutter that is my memory images of my childhood and the Sears Wishbook and shiny new bicycles under the Douglas fir. Those Christmases were fun and so cherished and appreciated, for each gift was heartfelt and acquired from sacrifice but, unfortunately they became the gateway to the runaway train that is now the commercialized Christmas I have come to deplore… the balance was lost, the intention is gone – Christmas can now be found at Best Buy, not there in warm kitchens filled with scents of cinnamon or under covers waiting for the magic of the morning. I will be careful to not be a part of that machine that is about to flip the “on” switch and take from us the meaning of the upcoming season.
b u
p s