There was a night this past week that caused me to feel a sense of pure joy – something happened, something was said, that seemingly came from “nowhere” to tell me a wish was coming true. I was talking to my son, Matthew, on the phone from Boulder. I was busy asking “20 questions”, how’s school, are you eating right, is it cold, etc. when he unexpectedly began describing the morning view from his apartment window. He told me about the sun rising over the Rockies and how it “motivated” him to begin his day and how wonderful it was to wake up that way each morning. In that moment I had such a rare feeling of arrival, that something had “taken”, something worked, someone was listening. For me, and I emphasize, “for me”, this type of reveal means more than anything – people measure worth in many ways, this type of perception and appreciation is how I measure and for Matthew to express this intrinsic feeling to me means I have been granted my wish. I carried that joy around all of the next day and will reflect back on it when I need to – it is there. It is proof that they are listening, they are watching and their fabric is from the bolt that is you. It is beautiful but it is also a responsibility, the greatest of all.
I suppose that is how the universe works; just keep doing what you feel is right and in God’s time, you will hear, “Mom, you should see the sun rising over the Rocky Mountains”.
Yesterday I was thinking that while I am very grateful for all the goodness in my life this Christmas I look ahead to next and think of a couple of things to improve. I want to step even farther away back from the commercialism of course – I have done a fairly good job this year and in doing so I have made discoveries – pleasant ones about soulfulness and good will. Secondly, I want $100 to be a lot of money to me. I recently saw the value of money through the eyes of someone I know rather well, a specific amount, a small amount, to me, and it made me realize how, like an addict, the numbers have to be bigger and bigger to have value for me. I suppose this is just a fancy way of saying I want to need less. Besides the health of my family, I think this is my biggest wish for next Christmas. Regardless of how much wealth I may or may not acquire, I want more value in less. I have moved so far from the “things of the world” and I continue to seek and find that wonderful space that is about spirit, sometimes I feel like I just hoover above those foolish things that used to matter and the feeling is, pardon the pun, so uplifting. It is a freedom and sense of calmness that I have worked hard to find and I treasure each time I “get there”. The passing of my parents have catapulted me into this place of immaterial – in seeing all that “mattered” in their lives and then watching the final chapter, I have been able to sort through some of the nonessentials and see what, in the end, endures. I suppose parents never quit teaching their children.