Ben Franklin began each day with “The Morning Question: “What Good shall I do this day?” and ended with “The Evening Question”: What Good Have I done today?” “(John C. Bogle)
I have read it (thanks to William), now I have written it, and , hopefully, now I will remember it – this is it – this is what true goodness is – getting out of your narcissistic self and doing good for others – everything else is self-serving.
For Goodness Sake
And still another day before me…it’s mine to do with whatever I choose. I had a terrifying experience yesterday so today seems all the more glorious. I am a bit of a hypochondriac – I’ll admit to this – especially when it comes to my kids – but I had noticed a suspicious mole on my back recently (I am the generation of baby oil and iodine tanning) and it had started to itch. Well, of course I “goggled” it and wouldn’t you know –an itchy mole can be a symptom of melanoma. Anyway, I had about buried myself by noon. My doctor worked me in at 2 and said not to worry (although I do now have recommendation to see a dermatologist for a checkup). Those few hours were so dark for me. I have no fear of death, at least I don’t think I do,( I am certain there is something wonderful on the otherside) but I have unbearable sadness when I think of leaving Elizabeth before she is grown, before she has her own life. I thought of my boys and how badly I want to know where their lives are taking them– they, the 5 of them, are what make my mortality so objectionable.
I know I am being overdramatic but that’s the nature of me – oversensitive and a bit too imaginative at times. So, I am here on this bright sunshiny day once again and I am even more aware of my life and pledge to take even better care of my health. My doctor recommended I read “the Paleo Diet” – I have it on order – a diet based on pre agricultural eating habits – hunting and gathering sort of stuff. I know I cannot be orthodox about it, but I will absorb and implement some of it.
Speaking of food, I have done a few things I wished I’d done differently with my children, as all mothers have, but I have done three things I am really happy about – they all have an awareness and appreciation of the arts, whole foods, and spirit. For me, that is so important – three essentials in life – art, food, and goodness. I am very thankful – the rest is lagniappe.
As I reread for grammar check, I hope I am not sounding like I am bragging about my children and my life – I hope I have the ability to project happiness and thankfulness, not arrogance and vanity, within the confines of this entry – for those qualities are distasteful to me. My life is “my life” made especially for me and I am thankful and I know it is not some random scattering from the universe – it is all in alignment, just as it should be. I am so thankful to have yet another day to explore and to celebrate this gift that expires in 24 hours.
The day is over, the nearly full moon is illuminating the woods and drenching the field with light and for some reason I find myself at peace for this brief and curious moment. Is it the gravity of the moon or the proximity to summer or is it just a choice I made. Hmmmm I think it is the latter – a choice. I experienced goodness today, goodness in people and that has made me rise above this entire tangled and unending web of earthly snags and see what matters. For the most part, I am able to maintain that awareness but every now and then it is so rousing to meet with it face to face and declare an undoubtable bout with pure goodness. I am in search of yet another manifestation tomorrow.