Category Archives: family

"How did that happen?"

Life is very different for me now. I wake up on a Saturday morning and I am not scrambling a dozen eggs and juicing OJ; I am making coffee and writing. They are gone, far away gone, from Colorado to the Cresent City. Elizabeth is still here, finishing up the last hoorah but on this Saturday morning she is in Lafayette taking SAT – something she needs to move her on. “On”, will be far away too, it seems. Next year, they really will be all gone. Hmmmm. It is a strange, but good, feeling, kind of mellow.
 The first thing I ask myself on this morning of semi isolation is “How did I do that?” I cannot conceive of waking up to five kids every morning and getting this house in motion. It seems my instinct of survival has blocked that from my memory – too much to absorb, too much to think about? Funny about life, we go through passages almost blindly, doing what we need to do without question and then later, look back and say just what I have said, “ How did I get through that?’ I am not making this declaration in a negative light, it was great, it was magical, it was fulfilling; I just don’t know how I managed to see about all of those people.I’m really not a multi tasker kind of person – I am very, very laid back. I do remember cooking – alot. I also remember the seemingly endless pile of clothes in the laundry room.Honestly, I thought I would live my entire life in that room – forever!  And I do remember the conscious decision to put away my paintbox for those years. I realized early on that that would cause me frustration – to begin a piece and have to go deep into the night to finish it – not worth it. Instead, I think those years and my children gave me inspiration and I think they will manifest themselves in my art – it was the right decision for me.

Anyway, it is early November and I have the day to do as I please – this is a very new deal for me. I am going to enjoy this little piece of freedom for sure but I will always miss my busy home when they all were here and my day was filled with the most important activity of all, being “mom”.

I think of a quote by Jackie Kennedy and hope that I somewhat hit the target, but more than that, I hope they all know I tried my best on that one chance I got ,  just as all of you are…

” If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”
just a favorite pic taken on the 100 year old carousel at City Park in New Orleans  – a month before Elizabeth lost her grandmother, my wonderful mom. She was there on the little bench watching Elizabeth go around and around, each time waving as though the first time – this was a very difficult passage for me as “mom”…still is

 

So, whatever your stage in life is, I hope you are trying your best – no one is perfect, but everyone can be the best “them” (most of the time :)).
b u
p s

rising above it all

Easter… over. It was a good day, a blessed day…
 Church, a place I had not seen the inside of in several months. It was good, I spoke to God and He was there. I fall short, however – I continue to notice the hypocrisy – it is so pervasive for me, however and it is challenging to rise above it. It is my inability. I know God; I just don’t know about this “organized” religion thing (for me).
 Family – always great to reconnect with them. Of course, there is the aching absence of grandparents that somewhat prevails but, so goes the circle of life – round and round, picking up and dropping off.
 Bunnies – chocolate ones with hollow ears that take me back and make me fat (corny collection of words, but I had to), a faint memory of 5 live bunnies for each of my children from an foggy (literally) Easter morning long ago  , and a make believe bunny that showed up yesterday – fun.
All and all, it was a good day – a day directed by the right intention.
b u
p s

rising above it

Easter… over. It was a good day –
Church, a place I had not seen the inside of in several months. It was good, I spoke to God and He was there. The catholic hypocrisy is so pervasive for me, however and it is challenging to rise above it, I just don’t know about this “organized” religion thing (for me).
 Family – always great to reconnect with them. Of course, there is the aching absence of grandparents that somewhat prevails but, so goes the circle of life – round and round, picking up and dropping off.
Bunnies – chocolate ones with hollow ears that take me back and make me fat (corny collection of words, but I had to), a faint memory of 5 live bunnies for each of my children from an foggy (literally) Easter morning long ago  , and a make believe bunny that showed up yesterday – fun.
All and all, it was a good day – a day spent with the right intention.

unloading

I have I a new laptop – this one is just for me and I plan to tote it around and, hopefully, catch most of my thoughts that travel through my head each day and exit each evening – never making it to fruition. Someone. someone very young, on our faculty died  unexpectedly this week and I, once again, understand how temporary and sudden life is.I have taken a long time to unload baggage that is surplus and societal . I continue to do so hoping to get to my core soon. It is so freeing to let so many unnecessary worldly things drop and walk away from. I find myself putting value only in intangibles – imagine the free space that gives me! I wrestle with anxious emotions still but I am working on that – more faith is needed here. Anyway, writing my thoughts down in syntax, caring for my family, planting potatoes, preparing healthy food and a twenty minute nap in a room with an open window is what I hope this day brings for me.
b u
p s