Just had an awkward and not so great “conversation” with a son. Nothing is “the matter”, just the same sentences don’t really work anymore – I need to keep more on the surface with these “big boys”. That’s really difficult for me because I am fed by human feelings and intrigued with the whole scheme of things – inspired really. There is nothing I care for on the surface – wasted time, that’s why I don’t socialize – its bs, wasted time for me – I like the underneath stuff – the earthy, realities that only light of day reveal. But, I need to become a skimmer – gliding on the surface like an android. This parenting thing is getting more difficult instead of easier – when the hell does life get easier? Does it? When they were little it was just a series of hugs and commands and all was well. Now, I am looking for the perimeters and why am I still thinking about you so much? Where is the definition of “parent of adult child” – where is that darn manual??? Deep breath, cup of hot coffee, and this laptop…feeling better.
“Art is a way to express yourself and through that you can escape a bad situation”.
My encounter wasn’t “bad”, just “bristly”. Sorry about the negative energy but hard as I try, life happens. The forces of the universe just grab me sometimes but when things settle down and I catch myself I always realize how they are not random forces but catalysts to move me forward in this place I live. If things were always smooth things would always stay the same – no movement, no change – ; like stagnate water looking okay on the surface but underneath everything is dying. Well, bring it on – passivity is anemic and doesn’t navigate my life, doesn’t make it happen. Okay enough of the riddles. I will conclude with, I am so thankful for my art and I know it has gingerly taken me where I need to go – I feel better (til next time).
Moved my writing desk for the summer, maybe forever – this is my view now.