The other day I wrote a FB post about those days when nothing seems to fit… “a day when the stars don’t line up, a day that ends in the same place as it began, just not much to say about it”. Plenty people responded with their own interpretations, validating this weird period of time when you seem to be off grid for no apparent reason and the day just is some sort of wash. Someone, Martha Hoover Crombie, even had a name for it… “Paul and I call those moments and days “13 o’clock.” Perfect.
Well, today is another somewhat predetermined day, it seems to be a day of reflection. I know it’s Sunday and that, in itself, warrants some sort of spiritual connotation for most of us, but this is more metaphysical than spiritual, this is a day of thoughts, mostly of people and looking to their lives for answers to mine. I have seen the circle, “the circle of life”, up-close. This keen awareness began with my mother’s death. My sister, Susan, and I spoke of it, this Circle, many times. We talked often about our mother’s life, her worries and joys and wants and needs and happiness and unhappiness, all of it, at least all of it that we knew. We referenced this “knowledge” whenever we came across a situation in our own lives and tried to shimmy it to fit our situation, to make the most sense, to make the best decision for us based on her life’s experiences. Sometimes we were successful, and sometimes we were just very human and made the same “mistake” she may have made, because sometimes this earthly life sucks you in and no matter how many times you have witnessed the Circle, you still pick the wrong door. I’ve told my kids many times, that if we all learned from our parents, by now, we would have the perfect generation…that obviously did not happen.
Anyway, today, I think of those that are not here in a physical way anymore. It seems to have been prearranged that this day’s thoughts will be devoted to those that are only in my heart. Just like the 13th hour day from last week, I am going with this, I am not resisting…it is obvious to me, that it needs to be done.
Please don’t mistake this for a sad day, it is not at all, it is a day to pay homage to people I love, it’s a day to purposefully remember.
I will, when it cools down, go back to the garden and cut okra and chase my chickens out and later, make supper, all the while, giving my thoughts to those I miss so much. And tomorrow, my thoughts will begin again and I will hope that I will be able to hear them amongst all of the toxic noise this world is currently making.