Maybe this is my life now. Maybe my day should be filled with modest daily chores, small ones like dishes washed with geranium scented soap and clean sheets on the line and (always) time for the garden and art and sometimes filling my kitchen with the scent of lemon drop cookies or cinnamon.
Maybe this is when I let go. I let go of the daily routine that can be a “job”, I let go of want and preoccupation of anything material, I let go of the mindset that I have control over anyone’s thinking and with that release, I judiciously welcome anyone’s disagreement with mine, for they too are their own captains. I let go of some of the lofty goals set in my youth, they are a burden to me now- pressure to perform, desire to acquire, battles to “win”. I have no capacity for that, which went with youth, that inescapable naiveté fueled by innocence, I let that go, gladly.
All that has happened before has had its place in my life, a paramount place, but now the winds have changed, they are gentler and filled with whispers of wisdom and I make the time to listen. The outside noises have become less audible and I mostly hear the sounds inside of my own head, those are the words I adhere to, not the others, not the propaganda. I also hear the humming of people from my past, just a few words here and there that have stayed with me and I keep those close to recall. And, always, I hear the voices of my children, grown now and on their own paths, paths strewn with my prayers and wishes for happy lives. It is a delightful place this age of mine, I am adjusting and embracing with a ways to go, but soon I will see clearly.