Category Archives: being you

it’s time

windowIf not now than when – this rolls over and over in my unsettled mind – it is summer I will be 60 in one day – tomorrow, I am on a mission to get this stuff out of my head and onto this keyboard or onto a canvas – this clutter that fills my house and my head is becoming bothersome because many of life’s distractions have vanished , at 60 there is no need to maintain children and I have filtered through socialization and I no longer have parents, at least not in a physical sense, for they are still very much “here” in my life but I can communicate with them any time of day or night and the visit does not require a road trip of any sort and it is summer and my job is dormant for now and I am exhausting myself with the left brain functions of trying to schedule the time to do these things I want to do, the house doesn’t need to be in good shape, the garden can wait, there are no travel plans on the docket, my excuses need to end because I am in a place that is mine, so if not now, I ask myself in a very loud voice, when? DSC_0685

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no rules


I tried for a while to be more towards the minimalist mentality but I give up. I’m going with who I am – a junker, a collector, a keeper of the memories, perhaps a borderline hoarder – I like my stuff. I have read the books, the posts, and felt the urge to de clutter but beyond cleaning out the laundry room and a few kitchen drawers, I’m done. The thing I really want to do is get far away from this forest of fictitious rules and single-minded guidelines that are all over this World Wide Web and all of this networking, including magazines that shoot pictures of people and places that are, again, retouched snapshots of “reality” .  I fear we will lose track of who we are with all of the influence and depictions of people’s lives that can bombard us every hour of every day. And nearly all of it is not for real, but are isolated moments that attempt to tell a story of how things are or should be.

Anyway, I am of a generation where we had time to think about who we were – we spent a lot of time “finding ourselves” and because of this blessed background, I am returning to that concept – we need to be ourselves and I, like clutter. There, I said it…

I also like the patina of my old furniture that has marks from childhood on its lovely scruffy surface and I like the way the post at the end of my staircase is worn and without paint from the hands of my family grabbing it each time they went upstairs and then there are the walls filled with paintings, mine and my kid’s, I even like the five little nails where stockings hung and still remain on the mantle from Christmases past, it is all part of the real story. summer 10 013

It is freeing to let go of that idea that things have to be perfect and that huge misconception that they even can be – perfect is just being you, not a picture in a magazine or a new rule to follow from someone’s post. I hope you do not consider this a rant or another set of internet rules to follow – I just meant this to support you or perhaps encourage you to leave social media alone from time to time and find your real self – that person that is perfectly you.

“There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” 

 Benjamin Franklin


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a gift

Before this day ends, I would like to do a quick post. Today is my son William’s birthday; he is 30. Early this morning he texted me with a wonderful quote and it was like a gift to me, one I want to share with you.

“I don’t believe in this “gifted few” concept, just in people doing things they are really interested in doing.  They have a way of getting good at whatever it is.” Charles Eames

Freeing isn’t it? It’s all about doing what you love and sticking to it – and you will stick to it because you love it…when we try to contrive life, things, it doesn’t ever really work out – maybe on the outside, but never on the inside, the place it matters.   

Anyway, just wanted to pop in and share this thought that William shared with me.

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I am not happy with my post from yesterday so I am up early and re posting. I did not make the point I wanted to make; I was not successful in telling you what I wanted to tell you. Shit. I think, in simple, early morning raw words, I just wanted to say, let it be, be patient and let yourself evolve and be who you were born to be (and extend that offer to your children). I am so worn down from watching society tell us what we should be, laying out the blueprint for our cookie cutter lives. I am just offering a few words of support to firm up your feelings about who you REALLY are.
 I don’t watch much TV (I wish TV did not even exist) but sometimes in the late afternoon I need to do something mindless and I will sit in my chair with coffee and watch something – usually the Food Channel or the weather. Anyway, I cannot last very long because within 15 minutes I have been bombarded with so many “suggestions” on how to live my life all the while looking at these overly stylized fake people. Honestly, I feel like the most uncreative impotent person by the time I have absorbed 15 minutes of that noise. My husband watches a lot of the Discovery channel and History channel – I can support that – it’s the commercials and primetime that squash the life out of me.

 Anyway, back to the point – I don’t want some exaggerated stranger telling me where I should be in my life and what I should be doing and then continue on to “suggest” what is “normal” and try to make me feel bad if I am not “there” .That’s what I felt when I saw the daylily – it was there doing the thing it was supposed to do – blooming in the midst of neglect and not paying any mind to its surroundings – it just did its thing; it offered its natural beauty amongst and in spite of the adversity of its environment.

 It is difficult to not be negatively affected by the propaganda that surrounds us and even bombards us – especially now with technology literally plugged into our souls. This is the exact reason I started this blog, I had to rebel against the trash that was being pitched at me every day – I had to find a place where I could force myself to think of the simple things in life – the things that really mattered. It became a diving force to notice the dragonflies on the clothesline and the beauty of the midsummer sky, so that, in the evening, at the end of my day, I could document it and share it with you – simple, real words to read without propaganda and distortion. A soft place to land. Other than being an observer of life for nearly 58 years and an artist, I have no qualifications to say the things I say – I do not have a certificate hanging on my wall telling me I know everything, I am just writing what I see and, as I said, you can read it or not…I have to write.

Ultimately, this is where I go to be me and if there is something I write that inspires you to be you, I have reached another level of achievement and I feel especially happy. I tried once to not blog, but I was not able to …I have to write things down just as I have to paint. That is who I am and the whole purpose of this entry is to reinforce the importance of being who you are, not what someone tells you you are supposed to be. Anyway, to conclude, I hope you can battle and win against the propaganda that our world is laced with and, like the daylily from yesterday, b u.

if you have a few minutes, this video is wonderful … william emailed it to me a while back and i just watched it this morning; it seemed like serendipity that i watched it right after this post!

Get Real

I am writing this in stillness, complete quietness – not a machine running, not water dripping, not a voice. I type (peck) softly and I hear almost nothing. These moments rarely happen for me – aloneness, quietness. It’s funny but we mostly know ourselves through the people we are around mostly. It’s hard to find a spot where you can know you for real – not some reflection of whomever you are with.

It’s good to be able to “find yourself”. I suppose I was able to do that when I took the proverbial trip to Europe in my youth. I was in a place where no one even knew my name. I was able to discover many things about myself that I needed to know, things I still draw from today. But now, with all of these layers of life draped over me it is surely more difficult to get in touch with “ME”. I don’t say this as a narcissistic kind of thing; I say this because we need to know who we are so that we can be who we were born to be.

 It is so difficult today because of the distractions, propaganda and lies that bombard each minute of our days. I don’t really watch TV but when I am in “there” after about 10 minutes I feel, as they say, dumber and so violated with the fabrication that the media wants us to believe is life. If there were one single modern invention that has done more for the demoralization and dumbing of society, my vote would be, hands down, the TV. Even in my day, the fresh scrubbed late 50s, it began its handy work – telling mother’s how inept they were at their jobs and their marriages. The lies were not quite as big then, they were only selling Tide and Tang; today they are selling plastic surgery and overpriced luxury cars. The jury is still out for me on FB and the ramifications it is having. Like most things, it can be a useful tool – I have found a few old friends on it and I can learn about community events and I can post this blog entry on it but I suspect, as all things human, there will be negative issues attached to this means of communication. I am treading softly – trying to “keep it real”.

  Any way I am having a few moments to ask myself a few questions and get some honest answers and this entry is the manifestation of one of my questions – I absolutely hate the propaganda we are being fed intravenously every single day of our lives – that’s who I am, that’s the thorn.  I remember what my dad stubbornly proclaimed and infused us with – “Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.” I thought that was so harsh and bitter when I heard that in my adolescence but, Dad, like so many other things you said, I so get it now.

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a grade school drawing that is remarkable (and different)

What would life be like if we focused more on what we have and less on what we don’t have? I am not referring to material possessions; I am thinking about characteristics, although all of that “stuff” that people allow to define themselves can be part of this thought if you need for it to be. I mean things about you that make you different, things that are not status quo, things that make you you. Being comfortable with who you are allows you to be confident and that confidence projects and it becomes how the world sees you, as an extraordinary and one of a kind person.Celebrate the differences that make you you.

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