Category Archives: acceptance

in the car

IMG_0335This is a repost to my Talent Teacher friends…I was just, last week,  telling you about those moments in the car with Elizabeth and I found this little piece I wrote when it all was actually happening…anyway, this is for you and all the young parents…hope I have made it clear with these few words.

The days are getting shorter here and my worries are getting longer (sorry so cheesy); Elizabeth is driving! As with many things in life, this event is two sided – one side gives me freedom and the other causes much apprehension. hmmmmm. I am getting better at letting go of these fears – realizing that I can’t stop life from doing its thing and that I will get through it because I have to.  I will try to focus more on my freedom and less on the thought of her on the road – alone.

Once, I wrote about how much I valued the time she and I spent in the car going from place to place , leaving supper on the stove to run to town for makeup, driving east 20 miles to a friend’s house or west 30 miles for “True Red” lipstick at Sephora – always inconvenient for me but always bonding for us. I was the one to pick her up from school and hear her day fresh off the presses, news that, otherwise, would have been absorbed in the first moments at home – moments gone that I would never have known about. The VW she is driving is where I introduced her to The Beatles and Dylan and she discovered how much she loved Lennon and asked tens of questions about that era that was my childhood – she learned as I relived. Well, here I am on the other side. Now, I will know much less about the days of this little girl. I will have my coveted “freedom”, but I will not have those intimate moments while driving her from place to place. Those days are gone.

My mom had such a handle of these transitions, these doors that close so quickly – she told me she was never sad about endings, instead she looked forward to the next chapters in our lives. I will take that with me as I focus on the memories we made and the relationship we built in the front seat of my car and I will gently  close this precarious door.

 

2011

2011

b u

p s

Seeing only the beauty

As an artist, I have never been able to choose a favorite color and as a gardener, I have never been able to choose a favorite season, each offer their own unique gifts. Right now, in the height of spring, I am totally in love with this season. The honeysuckles are there in the woods and climbing on old fence pieces covering the area with their sweet smell and delighting the honey bees. The confederate jasmine is nearly pungent from the fragrance that swirls around in the gentle spring breeze and the gardenia bushes are budding and blooming and their fresh cut bouquets fill my kitchen with the sweetness of their scent and my mind with memories of my mother. Then there is the scattering of dewberries throughout the woods and along the ditches – sweet and wholesome treats from nature there for the picking. I have fought for the control of this landscape that is my yard for years and I have realized that that causes me stress instead of enjoyment. I would go outside and instead of noticing the beauty I would notice the things that needed to be done and I would feel sad instead of happy. Well, all of that has changed – the yard is of course still as it was but my attitude has been adjusted, as they say. It all started with my little garden shed. It began to deteriorate but no time to fix it and I needed it for tomato stakes, fish emulsifiers, clay pots, and Have a Heart traps, so I decided to just let it go and see what nature would do. Well, nature is doing what she does – she is reclaiming it. The vines are woven inside and out, the rains have begun to rot the roof, the dirt has found its way inside from burrowing little animals and there are nests of sparrows and wrens that have settled into the rafters. I love watching this power, this power that nature has. I also realize that what is happening to my little garden shed would also happen to my house and may one day. This natural display is occurring everywhere in my yard and for the most part I can keep things at bay with the lawnmower and my pruners but I do only what I can and enjoy the rest. Of course I remember Miss Sue and her yard – for me it was the most beautiful piece of property on the planet and it was so natural. Nature flowed and she enjoyed the show, choosing to notice only the beauty.

potatoes

hidden

memories

taking over

lantana carried by the wind

garden shed

yesterday

cute

miracles

a community

roses in the mimosa??

b u
p s

Lust for Life

just something from Lust for Life that one of my sons reminded me of – the part about tolerance and easy going acceptance of life… I think it’s time for me to open those pages again.
“It’s a gorgeous parade, isn’t it, Theo?”
“Yes. Paris doesn’t really awaken until the aperitif hour.”
“I’ve been trying to think… what is it that makes Paris so marvelous?”
“Frankly, I don’t know. It’s an eternal mystery. It has something to do with French character, I suppose. There’s a pattern of freedom and tolerance here, an easy going acceptance of life that . . . Hello, here’s a friend of mine I want you to meet. Good evening, Paul; how are you?”
“Very well, thanks, Theo.”
“May I present my brother, Vincent Van Gogh? Vincent, this is Paul Gauguin. Sit down, Paul, and have one of your inevitable absinthes.”
Gauguin raised his absinthe, toughed the tip of his tongue to the liqueur and then coated the inside of his mouth with it. He turned to Vincent.
“How do you like Paris, Monsieur Van Gogh?”
“I like it very much.”
b u
p s