two pairs of shoes

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“Fear filled days and a media haze …information was once king but it is now the new pawn pushed around to distract and disorientate.” Joe Callanan

“Can I handle the seasons of my life?” Fleetwood Mac – Landslide

 “I choose two pairs of shoes the exact same, one for the yard and one for town. That’s all I want”. Me

These are the thoughts lurking, floating around in my mind on this Sunday morning in “late September” (Rod Stewart). It’s somewhat of a mixed up medley, so, I wrote them all down and tried to find the sense in it all, the connection.

The first two are obviously about the unknown future and how it teeters on such a tiny ledge never revealing what’s about to happen. Joe Callanan is a friend of a friend of mine and I follow him on FB. He lives in Spain and has interesting points of view that I like to think about – he is straightforward and causes me to think past my boundaries as I enjoy the melodious flow of his transcendent words. I asked permission to use the above words of his because I believe them to be true. My dad used to tell us, “Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see”. I always thought that was such a negative and cynical thought but now, at 62, I get it. The only adjustment I could make to his suggestion now, would be more emphasis about believing what we “see” – much more of life has become an illusion. Anyway, I am more and more turned off from the media and more and more convinced my dad was right. That leaves me in a bad spot when it comes to making choices, I seek the truth but I have about run out of places to look, hence my deep continued connection to Nature – she never deceives. We have more and more sources at our disposal and more and more ways to sway, not more and more ways to reveal the truth…we have taken the low road. It’s tough to find your true thoughts, propaganda hits us “Left “and “Right”.

“Make yourself sheep and the wolves will eat you”…another quote, this one from Ben Franklin. I hope we all make the decisions of our lives based on our own thoughts. That’s as close to political as I care to project…I just want to make up my own mind.

The Fleetwood quote whizzed out of the song on the radio the other day, a song I have heard again and again for decades but somehow, that time, those words were all I heard and that question needed an answer. When you are young, there are no seasons of your life – youth just goes on forever, it seems. Now, for me, there are seasons of my life. I see them and I answer Fleetwood’s question with “no”, I was not prepared. This lack of preparation was not a bad thing, however. How do you prepare for life?  I probably won’t be prepared for the next season either, but I do know now, while I may not be ready, I will be okay.

And the last thought about my shoes sort of wraps up the whole tangled riddle of mismatched thoughts by putting into words that I want as much simplicity as I can control, beginning with my shoes. I don’t want or need all of the superfluous commotion around me anymore. It’s a difficult battle, however, this battle for things to be simple. I am certainly not at a point to be without, I do like comforts and aesthetics but now, I like fewer “things”. Although, you would not believe that if you saw the accumulation of 31 years of life in this house that is our home, every wall is filled with paintings and every closet and attic is filled with yesterday. But, somewhere amongst it all, I find a metaphysical clearing that has not existed before this season of my life. It is a clearing that only I know of and it tells me that the accumulation has stopped, that I can just be and exist happily with so much less, hence, my two pairs of shoes, one for the yard and one for “town”.

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