Sometimes I go back into this blog that will soon be 10 years old and check to see if I have accomplished any of the tiny goals I sometimes plant here – goals that have popped up in my day, in my life, that, for me, are remarkable and take me here to this keyboard and force me to write them down and then share…anyway, here are a couple of long ago entries for this late December day. I feel somewhat comfortable in declaring that I have arrived in this “place” I describe, this “place” I sought out, this place of spirit. I will admit however, that ego still thwarts me and I suppose will always do so, it is part of being human. I have come to understand, however, that we need our ego, it protects us from emotional dangers; we just need to keep it at bay…
Yesterday I was thinking that while I am very grateful for all the goodness in my life this Christmas I look ahead to next and think of a couple of things to improve. I want to step even farther away back from the commercialism of course – I have done a fairly good job this year and in doing so I have made discoveries – pleasant ones about soulfulness and good will. Secondly, I want $100 to be a lot of money to me. I recently saw the value of money through the eyes of someone I know rather well, a specific amount, a small amount, to me, and it made me realize how, like an addict, the numbers have to be bigger and bigger to have value for me. I suppose this is just a fancy way of saying I want to need less. Besides the health of my family, I think this is my biggest wish for next Christmas. Regardless of how much wealth I may or may not acquire, I want more value in less. I have moved so far from the “things of the world” and I continue to seek and find that wonderful space that is about spirit, sometimes I feel like I just hoover above those foolish things that used to matter and the feeling is, pardon the pun, so uplifting. It is a freedom and sense of calmness that I have worked hard to find and I treasure each time I “get there”. The passing of my parents have catapulted me into this place of immaterial – in seeing all that “mattered” in their lives and then watching the final chapter, I have been able to sort through some of the nonessentials and see what, in the end, endures. I suppose parents never quit teaching their children.
For a brief period of time today, I felt true peace. It was late in the afternoon just before evening. I had had a good day and everyone in my family was good. I sat in the front yard tending a fire and drinking coffee. The woods were quiet except for the scurry of a squirrel and the falling of a few late autumn leaves. I put myself in a place of contentedness, a contentedness that comes from only wanting the simplest of things and in return, I felt at peace. I have written about this place before, this place that has no regard for matters of this world – stuff and competition – when you don’t place value on those things, you set yourself free and you are open to the peacefulness of your spirit – you let go of ego. I love this place. Anyway, I found happiness today drinking coffee and tending a fire on a December day.