Monthly Archives: February 2014

Let it go

 

4344894547_72cd598f5a_zI have made this decision to spend a bit of time each week end going through something – like a drawer or a closet – nothing overly ambitious. This Saturday I chose a shelf in the laundry room – not the whole room now, just a shelf. Anyway, on that shelf sits two containers – one has all of my framing artsy stuff in it – picture hangers, wire etc. and the “other” has all kinds of household helpers – hammers, screw drivers, tacks, tape, etc. Within the bowels of the “other” I found something of long ago – kite strings and electric outlet covers. I immediately got redirected to some March a long long time ago, or was it just yesterday, when paper kites and little boys were running in the field near our house trying to catch the wind. And plastic outlet covers I bought by the pack were in all of the sockets for all of the years of diapers and curious little hands.

It was a sudden and unexpected journey back in time that transformed my day and prompted me to just write about it. I was able to complete my small sorting task, my shabby attempt at organization but I drifted in and out of nostalgia throughout the day. I thought a lot about time and how mystical it is – it’s here and then it’s gone and then even then it’s still here, isn’t it? I could touch those moments I could easily remember the bit of fear I had and urgency to cover up all of the sockets and I could remember the beauty of the wind lifting the kites that caused the happiness – it was all right there but then I looked at the relics and they were here but very old and tired looking – they were from a yesterday of long ago and no longer had purpose.

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red kite in the sky

What?

I have been looking forward to this moment in time to this space in my week to sit down and write. It is an urge I cannot ignore and all week long I put thoughts together in my head, rants sometimes, and I am so anxious to have this time and then, here it is and my thoughts have vaporized. So, I sit here and dig around in my “Favorites” and check FB and read old things I’ve written, all in an effort to get back what was lost. Nothing sparks. I will just begin again.

There is something in my head right now about letting go of goals – freeing myself. I have had so many in my life and I think, for the most part, they have caused me anxiety and have distracted me from my life. I mean, who wrote this rule book anyway – what does someone else know about what I should do or achieve? No one knows, people just call themselves authorities and speculate. I’m going to free fall

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