December 26 takes me back to “normal” and I am so glad to be here. I could live the rest of my life without anymore hyper situations and /or events. First thing this morning, out of my kitchen window, was a little winter bird nibbling on a seed pod at the end of a branch on the Drake Elm – what a lovely and welcome sight.
Yesterday I was thinking that while I am very grateful for all the goodness in my life this Christmas I look ahead to next and think of a couple of things to improve. I want to step even farther away back from the commercialism of course – I have done a fairly good job this year and in doing so I have made discoveries – pleasant ones about soulfulness and good will. Secondly, I want $100 to be a lot of money to me. I recently saw the value of money through the eyes of someone I know rather well, a specific amount, a small amount, to me, and it made me realize how, like an addict, the numbers have to be bigger and bigger to have value for me. I suppose this is just a fancy way of saying I want to need less. Besides the health of my family, I think this is my biggest wish for next Christmas. Regardless of how much wealth I may or may not acquire, I want more value in less. I have moved so far from the “things of the world” and I continue to seek and find that wonderful space that is about spirit, sometimes I feel like I just hoover above those foolish things that used to matter and the feeling is, pardon the pun, so uplifting. It is a freedom and sense of calmness that I have worked hard to find and I treasure each time I “get there”. The passing of my parents have catapulted me into this place of immaterial – in seeing all that “mattered” in their lives and then watching the final chapter, I have been able to sort through some of the nonessentials and see what, in the end, endures. I suppose parents never quit teaching their children.
For a brief period of time today, I felt true peace. It was late in the afternoon just before evening. I had had a good day at work and everyone in my family was good. I sat in the front yard tending a fire and drinking coffee. The woods were quiet except for the scurry of a squirrel and the falling of a few late autumn leaves. I put myself in a place of contentedness, a contentedness that comes from only wanting the simplest of things and in return, I felt at peace. I have written about this place before, this place that has no regard for matters of this world – stuff and competition – when you don’t place value on those things, you set yourself free and you are open to the peacefulness of your spirit – you let go of ego. I love this place. Anyway, I found happiness today drinking coffee and tending a fire on a December day.
We have to find time to be quiet and alone; that is when and where creativity, spirit, subconscious, alpha, God, takes hold of you – there in the stillness, in the nothingness. It is when and where and how your right brain, your creative self, overcomes your rational left brain and figures things out for you – just be still and listen.Emerson said it best in an essay :
To go into solitude, a man needs to retire as much from his chamber as from society. I am not solitary whilst I read and write, though nobody is with me. But if a man would be alone, let him look at the stars. The rays that come from those heavenly worlds, will separate between him and what he touches.
I walked through the house very early this morning before lights were turned on and the day began. The scattered strands of Christmas lights lite the way and everything was still and I could feel the history there – the babies, the birthday parties , my mom’s little visits, my dad sitting on the kitchen chair, Christmases past, it was all still there in the quietness amongst the twinkling lights.
The toxins of this holiday season are getting to be too much, for me. I have cycled 57 Christmases – Christmases where getting a record player from the green stamp store and a 45 in 8th grade was wonderful to this aberration they are still calling Christmas – yeah we are buying into it – the media wins! On one side we have them telling us 1 in 7 children in America are hungry and on the other they tell us that a diamond or a luxury car is what we have to buy to show we love someone. I don’t really care what people have on their Christmas list, I am just saturated with the emphasis on materialism. I think in terms of the great art and literature and thinkers of the past and imagine what this focus on money and materialism would have done to their creativity? I’m confused. I’m out.
Anyway…I have been “gone” for a while; I have been painting – a lot. I have a body of new stuff that I am doing and I can’t seem to get enough of it. A small gallery in Lafayette is giving me some space and I am so pleased with this opportunity. Art is a peculiar thing – pure art and artistry have nothing at all to do with money and business, those two entities are actually nemeses, but it is the way we validate ourselves, making a purchase – tough conflict. I am doing “peace” crosses – a throwback from my time in the 60s I suppose.