The “samples” entry was kind of curious but it was there for a reason – I needed to show these pieces to someone and for me, this was the easiest way. I have left the days of complicated and intense painting and have entered into a pleasant place of funky and fun art – as in these “samples”. Life is a journey.
The days are getting shorter here and my worries are getting longer
(sorry so cheesy); Elizabeth is driving! As many things in life, this event is two sided – one side gives me freedom and the other causes much apprehension. hmmmmm. I am getting better at letting go of these fears – realizing that I can’t stop life from doing its thing and that I will get through it because we have to. I will try to focus more on my freedom and less on the thought of her on the road – alone. Once, I wrote about how much I valued the time she and I spent in the car going from place to place , leaving supper on the stove to run to town for makeup, driving east 20 miles to a friend’s house or west 30 miles for “True Red” lipstick at Sephora – always inconvenient for me but always bonding for us. I was the one to pick her up from school and hear her day fresh off the presses, news that, otherwise, would have been absorbed in the first moments at home – moments gone that I would never have known about. The VW she is driving is where I introduced her to The Beatles and Dylan and she discovered how much she loved Lennon and asked tens of questions about that era that was my childhood – she learned as I relived. Well, here I am on the other side, now I will know much less about the days of this little girl. I will have my coveted “freedom”, but I will not have those intimate moments while driving her from place to place. My mom had such a handle of these transitions, these closing doors – she told me she was never sad about endings, instead she looked forward to the next chapters in our lives. I will take that with me as I close this door.
I am entering this post for the exclusive reason
Staying flexible in life is definitely a survival skill we should all acquire. Especially if you are a parent and double that if you are a parent of 5. Just saying. There is some analogy about trees that don’t bend won’t last the storm – I find this to be so true. My life is changing just as the season is. Soon things will be different here and I hope the course that has been chosen will be a good one – as we all know, the answers are not in the back of the book, they are at the end of the journey.
Speaking of trees, they are turning here – ever so slightly, but they are. I can’t seem to be outside enough. Everything is changing, even the sounds, especially the birds. I am so satisfied with myself when I can be still enough to notice some of what this planet is doing to prepare for winter – it is a symphony that is lost to many. In the country it is still apparent and it truly sustains me.
When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.
Staying focused on a goal is what, I think, sets someone apart – it is what lifts you to a higher place. It seems easy enough to have goals, to speak of them, and to actually do many things towards accomplishing them. The difficult part is “sticking to it”. That’s where most of us fall short. Every now and then someone emerges that has stayed with their goal for the long run and have achieved it. “Stick to – edness.” It seems we become preoccupied with thoughts of what others think – thoughts driven by ego and ego distracts; it is the voice asking, who doesn’t like this or me, who’s doing more or has more – destructive and superficial thoughts – who cares? Anyway,”stick to – edness”, that’s what has to happen to achieve goals – perseverance, determination, willpower, and a belief in yourself and your purpose – leave ego at the door. I am not really sure why I just wrote what I did – it just sort of came out. I was reading The Artists’ Way right before bed last night and I suppose some of what it said crept into my subconscious and it manifested itself with these words. I believe that art, true art, is spiritual and because of this belief, I “listen” and I stick to it.
Graphic design student Jonathan Mak Long
“Having an exciting destination is like setting a needle in your compass. From then on, the compass knows only one point – its ideal. And it will faithfully guide you there through the darkest nights and fiercest storms.”
The day begins and I find myself so satisfied. I have continued on this journey I have written of recently – this journey that does not place value in surface glamour and fleeting occurrences and materialism – it places value in the internal me – focus on spirit. I have never felt as free as I do now – it’s like finding the answers in the back of the book. I will say, it is a constant conscious effort, at least at this point in my journey. I do find myself getting caught up in the smallness of things – but I now seem to have the commitment to pull myself away and “get in spirit”. I am not posting this to boast about myself – how worldly is that! – I am posting it to offer it to you and at the same time, reassure myself. There exists so much worldly trauma and stress that it is so easy to fall prey to it. There is so much hype and propaganda and smoke and mirrors and judgementalism and intimidation out there – it’s a wonder we are not all “Prozaced” out. Well, just as I believe Nature has many cures, I believe Spirit can give you peace. I can find it here on this autumn morning, I can cast aside the little worries I may have by holding them up against “the big picture” and understanding that it is not my purpose in life to accumulate things and to raise a star athlete or a corporate mogul or a homecoming queen – it is my purpose to provide a secure platform to nurture my children to realize their unique and intended purpose and to encourage them to go with it and not just “my” children but anyone I can help. It may be that someone needs to be a star athlete, for instance, but not for reasons of ego, but for a stage to fulfill their true purpose. Okay I’m getting soppy here, but I just wanted to share this feeling. I’m not sure I did a great job of it, but I will continue to try. It is just so freeing to devalue the materialistic world, to put it in its place. And it does have a place – my relatively new car is great – it starts up immediately and takes me to the grocery store to buy good food for my family and my solidly built house keeps the cold out and offers creature comforts to my family – I am very aware of the comfort the materialistic world can provide, but it needs to be only a tool to achieve my real purpose, not a “trophy” of my efforts.
Now, I do know I have not been challenged with a shattering tragedy – I doubt myself in extreme circumstances – I don’t know if I have that kind of colossal strength. I hope I never find out. I do hope, however, to be able to navigate the trials and challenges of each day by staying in spirit – always.
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
|photo by Glenda Sanders Fleshman